Last night was good for my soul.
Austin and I went to see Trevor Hall’s A Night in The Village show. Honestly, I’ve lost track of how many shows of his I’ve seen, but I always leave feeling more grounded and at peace.
It wasn’t just your average concert; it was a night of storytelling, songs and ended with an insightful Q+A. The entire experience felt particularly special and needed in my life right now.
Maybe I’m alone in this and I know I talk about this a lot, but I have changed so much since becoming a mother. In the best ways and in some of the hardest ways. When I think of having children, I think of how I want to slow down and enjoy every precious moment of their lives. But in reality, life only gets more busy and feels more rushed, ultimately resulting in the saying, “the nights are long, but the years are short.”
I’ve always been a to-do list kind of gal. I love organizing time and planning. Sometimes when I’m thrown a curve ball and my plan doesn’t work, I freak out. I feel overwhelmed, stressed and annoyed that I spent all this time thinking it was going to go a certain way and now that’s not the case. It’s been an ongoing battle that I’ve had with myself for many years and probably Austin’s biggest pet peeve about me. I don’t blame him. I’m not the most pleasant person to be around when bedtime comes and I realize my to-do list didn’t even get touched.
In order to avoid this overwhelming feeling of disappointment, I spend most days getting completely wrapped up in what needs to get done and leave the very little time I have left for my husband, my family and even myself. And like I said earlier, this only intensified once I had Lucy.
For awhile, I was extremely depressed about this new lifestyle. I loved being a mom, but I hated sacrificing time with Austin, my family, my friends and simply to do those little things I enjoy like painting my nails. But eventually I left the depression stage and moved on to acceptance. “This is my life now and it won’t always be this crazy”, I told myself.
Then last night, Trevor talked about time and how so many of us are obsessed with it. Our lives are full of calendars, schedules, meetings and the constant thought of needing to get your life figured out by a certain age. Literally me to a T. He had always been this way, as well. That is until his grandmother, with very few days left, said to him “time is a beautiful gift”. At first he was confused by it. He found it to be such an odd thing for her to say considering she didn’t have much time left. He shrugged it off in the moment, but quickly found that those words stuck with him. She wasn’t talking about the time that is viewed in a straight line. That kind of time is simply there as a tool to help make our lives easier. She was talking about time, this moment, this never-ending cycle of time.
To live life where we view time in this way is difficult, especially in today’s world. And I think it’s even harder to live that way the older we get. But I found his words inspiring and really opening my eyes to how much I take time for granted. And when you take time for granted, you’re taking everything for granted. Seriously, think about it, what would you have without time? Nothing.
Your husband makes you laugh. Great, but would he if you had no time to spend or communicate with him?
Food gives you nutrition and energy. Sure does, but would it if you had no time to sit down and eat?
Family makes you feel whole. That’s amazing, but if you had no time to spend with them, would you still feel whole?
I could go on, but you get what I’m saying, right? I’m not saying we should all be hippies and constantly live in the moment, let’s all just forget about the clock. No, that’s not doable for the majority of us. But maybe focus less on what needs to get done in X amount of time and more on who is there with you during that time.
I’ve said this already, but this year my word is balance. And since January 1st, I have tried so many different schedules and what I thought were resolutions to help me manage my time better. But maybe all I needed was to hear what I heard last night. I don’t think it’s something that I’ll know right away, but what I do know now is that I am going to stop worrying about this pile of laundry next to me and continue to work on viewing time as a circle vs a straight line. With that, I feel like the balance I am craving will simply come to me and everything that consumes my days will all fall into place just as they should.